Comeon God. I’m Listening.
Nathanael Berends August 13th, 2004
Tonight, I was invited by Jeremy Veenema to attend the Unity Christian Music Festival at Heritage Landing.
The first complete act we saw was Casting Crowns…
… And in true CCM style, the lead singer offered a mini-sermon of sorts…
Unlike the near-death story of the act preceding him (Matthew West?), he offered more of a contemporary view on Christianity.
He said that he was driving home one evening – after he had begun, and nearly quit his ministry in the same day – and realized this:
God doesn’t need us. He wants us – but he doesn’t need us.
This song followed:
“Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the Bright and Morning Star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.”
I couldn’t help but see the irony…
He doesn’t need me, but wants me.
I need him, but don’t want him.
Why?
“Not because of who I am,
But because of what You’ve done,
Not because of what I’ve done,
But because of who You are.”
I’d like to say that this evening was a turning point in my battle – a point which I was partly expecting.
It wasn’t.
I was assured from the stage however that “everything happens for a reason”.
Silly me, I should’ve been paying attention when one of my best friends in the world first told me the same – and is still telling me.
Regardless, it did allow me acceptance that this concert wasn’t the spiritual experience that I was expecting.
“I can assure you – every single one of you – that you are not here by mistake. God doesn’t work by chance – our God is a God of intention. There is a reason why EVERY single one of you is here.”
Is it a simple coincidence that eight days ago I had never heard of Casting Crowns?
… Despite my wishes, I’d be forced to say ‘probably not’.
But… Just curiosity now…
Does EVERYthing happen for a reason?
Something happened tonight that had NO reason in the WORLD.
And it scared me… It kindof scared Jer too!
I can promise that said event had no reason.
But that is getting away from the original topic…
Resuming:
I guess that tonight may’ve been a step in the right direction…
It made me realize one thing - One thing that my cynical side immediately dismissed as a falsehood.
The general message that all of the acts conveyed was that God is waiting for us to accept him.
At that point, he will accept us, and forgive us… and yaddi-yah-yah…
Um… er…
I thought that for the past 19 months, I’ve been asking God to accept me.
And then I get curious:
‘Have I not been asking correctly?’
This is where ‘it’ breaks down.
What do I need to do… Other than what I have been doing?
I DON’T Know!
And that is where I am stuck.
Tonight, I saw SOOO many people become SOOO moved.
Moved by what? I don’t know.
Regardless, I wish I were moved.
I am recognizant of the fact that *Something* made those people that excited.
*Something* made those bands SOOO passionate about what they were doing.
And I want that same thing.
I want that same *Something* to make me that genuinely excited.
I want that same *Something* to make me that passionate about something.
And again…
If this isn’t me accepting Jesus’ gift of salvation, I don’t know what is.
Do I need to type it?
‘JESUS, I want you to come into my life. JESUS, I want you to be my savior.’
I’ve said it a hundred times. Why should this time be any different.
Again:
“Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I’m in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He’s holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. “Boy, you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win!”
Even with me, it isn’t that I can’t make the leap and accept him… That almost seems like the easy part for me. My problem is that it doesn’t seem like there is anyone holding out an open hand. There isn’t anyone that I can walk to…
“But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
The voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth”
I WANT TO HEAR THAT VOICE.
why can’t i?
Why? Because I Am Not God.
I Guess He Know’s Why.
I’d really like to find out though.
“Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again”
I’d like to talk to someone about this…
I’d like to talk to YOU about this…
Even more, I suppose I’d like to talk to God about this.
‘Comeon God… I’m listening.’
A sense of urgency arrives -
Go listen to the song “Here I Go Again”, by Casting Crowns.
I feel hypocritical…
I have made it a point to let those closest in my life know how much I love them.
What if I don’t wake up tomorrow? Will those I love know it?
I so dearly hope so.
What if I don’t wake up tomorrow? Will God know my true wishes?
I so dearly hope so.
Unfortunately, in both situations, I can never be completely sure.
Do I even know my true wishes?
I don’t know that hypothesizing on this will produce anything positive.
I revert again:
“Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again”
I’d like to talk to someone about this…
I’d like to talk to YOU about this…
Even more, I suppose I’d like to talk to God about this.
‘Comeon God… I’m listening.’