97.4 Miles
Nathanael Berends August 30th, 2004
Tonight, I followed the moon for 97.4 miles…
The way you saw it convinced me that I’d like the same.
Archive for August, 2004
At Least I Do.
Nathanael Berends August 29th, 2004
This means only one thing: that your once irrational fears of distance, time, and the like have somehow changed.
Now, they have become more legitimate than touch, more legitimate than taste, more legitimate than sight.
Having always identified this as a possible avenue – but never crediting it as such – you face recognition of the mistake.
At least I do.
Maybe It’s Time.
Nathanael Berends August 26th, 2004
It occurred to me that it has been a great while since I’ve written a post with any tangible substance.
Here I go:
As I was speaking with Kyle Sandison, I realized that I had said something that I hadn’t planned to say.
Actually, saying that I hadn’t planned on saying it would be a misnomer – seeing as I don’t plan on saying the majority of the words I speak.
Rather, the words that I had said surprised me.
I suggested that we get together later this week, and make some music. I had stated something to the effect of:
‘I’ve got a lot of things to write songs about, but haven’t done so in far too long. It seems like there is a lot of music to make, and we should do so.’
… what struck me as being so uncharacteristic was the single idea that I’ve got a lot of stuff to write songs about.
I hadn’t even thought about that -
Then - as if some cosmic power was offering a favor - my subconscious gave me a favor.
I said what I had undoubtedly been thinking for the past while.
… the past while.
Therefore, it was only logical to hypothesize that this was the reason for my recent drought of Xanga posts.
What I’ve been realizing more and more in the past few days is that I’ve been thinking about far too many things, and not talking about ANY of them.
Maybe It’s Time…
Maybe it’s time to be open again - b.c I haven’t been lately.
Maybe It’s Time.
I’d like that - perhaps I even need it.
Maybe It’s Time.
If George Bush Listened to Dad.
Nathanael Berends August 23rd, 2004
If Bushie Listened To His Father…
______
In his memoir, “A World Transformed,” written five years ago, George Bush Sr. wrote the following to explain why he didn’t go after Saddam Hussein at the end of the Gulf War.
“Trying to eliminate Saddam…would have incurred incalculable human and political costs. Apprehending him was probably impossible…. We would have been forced to occupy Baghdad and, in effect, rule Iraq…. There was no viable “exit strategy” we could see, violating another of our principles. Furthermore, we had been consciously trying to set a pattern for handling aggression in the post-Cold War world. Going in and occupying Iraq, thus unilaterally exceeding the United Nations’ mandate, would have destroyed the precedent of international response to aggression that we hoped to establish. Had we gone the invasion route, the United States could conceivably still be an occupying power in a bitterly hostile land.”
———
Luckily, Bushy Jr. Was As Smart As His Dad…
Oh… Wait…
The End of Innocence
Nathanael Berends August 22nd, 2004
I Usually Am Not A Huge Fan Of When People Post Whole Songs On Their Xangas… But I Am Making An Exception, B.c This Song Could Be My New, Most Favorite Song In The World…
Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn’t have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standin’ by
But “happily ever after” fails
And we’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers dwell on small details
Since daddy had to fly
But I know a place where we can go
That’s still untouched by men
We’ll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
You can lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
O’ beautiful, for spacious skies
But now those skies are threatening
They’re beating plowshares into swords
For this tired old man that we elected king
Armchair warriors often fail
And we’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers clean up all details
Since daddy had to lie
But I know a place where we can go
And wash away this sin
We’ll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair spill all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
Who knows how long this will last
Now we’ve come so far, so fast
But, somewhere back there in the dust
That same small town in each of us
I need to remember this
So baby give me just one kiss
And let me take a long last look
Before we say goodbye
Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
I Will Be Here.
Nathanael Berends August 21st, 2004
Tomorrow morning if you wake up
and the sun does not appear
I will be here
If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand, and have no fear
‘Cause I will be here
I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to cryin’
Through the winning, losing and trying
We’ll be together
I will be here
(steven curtis chapman)
Hello Fellow Travelers.
Nathanael Berends August 21st, 2004
She Told Me To Throw My Stones Into The Ocean…
… Promised That The Ripples Will Take Care Of Themselves.
Will They Spread If I Can Not See Them?
Yeah.
hello fellow travelers. let this reach across the land. we’ve got medicine in our hands.
(seth bernard)
A Good Night.
Nathanael Berends August 19th, 2004
So… I Never Talked About My iPod…
… And I Don’t Plan To.
It Is Late, And Without Getting Too Deep Into The Particular Details, I Would Like To Say That This Evening Was Splendid!
Thanks To Everyone!
… From The 29 People At Fridays (record?)…
To The Eleven That Came Witch-Hunting…
To The Three That Ended Up At Meijer At 2:00am…
Thank You All!
Speaking Of Thanks…
I Should Show My Bed Gratitude By Sleeping In It…
Yes…
Good Plan.
(what is wrong with me?)
((tired?))
(((perhaps)))
((((thanks ellen for the lessons in the finer points of parentetical abuse))))
(((((that is all)))))
((((((good night!))))))
Yeah… Also…
It’s Been A Good While…
Regardless…
It Remains True…
[Joy Fits!]
You Have a Heart.
Nathanael Berends August 15th, 2004
“You’ve got a disease that there is no known cure for. We have run the approprite tests and found alarming conclusions. This is a very troubleing circumstance. But what is more troubling is how you develoled this condition. It seems that due to constant exposure to the dangerous realities around you, this extremely rare virus has infected you. I am afraid there is no known cure. On top of this, the disease is extremely contagious as well.” Perplexed as usual, I had to ask, “What is the disease?” The answer: “An unyielding hunger for the truth, a passion for the people around you, and sorrow for those who still lie in darkness. To put it plainly, you have a heart. We must amputate immediately.”
(stolen from ben witte. thanks, bud.)
Comeon God. I’m Listening.
Nathanael Berends August 13th, 2004
Tonight, I was invited by Jeremy Veenema to attend the Unity Christian Music Festival at Heritage Landing.
The first complete act we saw was Casting Crowns…
… And in true CCM style, the lead singer offered a mini-sermon of sorts…
Unlike the near-death story of the act preceding him (Matthew West?), he offered more of a contemporary view on Christianity.
He said that he was driving home one evening – after he had begun, and nearly quit his ministry in the same day – and realized this:
God doesn’t need us. He wants us – but he doesn’t need us.
This song followed:
“Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the Bright and Morning Star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.”
I couldn’t help but see the irony…
He doesn’t need me, but wants me.
I need him, but don’t want him.
Why?
“Not because of who I am,
But because of what You’ve done,
Not because of what I’ve done,
But because of who You are.”
I’d like to say that this evening was a turning point in my battle – a point which I was partly expecting.
It wasn’t.
I was assured from the stage however that “everything happens for a reason”.
Silly me, I should’ve been paying attention when one of my best friends in the world first told me the same – and is still telling me.
Regardless, it did allow me acceptance that this concert wasn’t the spiritual experience that I was expecting.
“I can assure you – every single one of you – that you are not here by mistake. God doesn’t work by chance – our God is a God of intention. There is a reason why EVERY single one of you is here.”
Is it a simple coincidence that eight days ago I had never heard of Casting Crowns?
… Despite my wishes, I’d be forced to say ‘probably not’.
But… Just curiosity now…
Does EVERYthing happen for a reason?
Something happened tonight that had NO reason in the WORLD.
And it scared me… It kindof scared Jer too!
I can promise that said event had no reason.
But that is getting away from the original topic…
Resuming:
I guess that tonight may’ve been a step in the right direction…
It made me realize one thing - One thing that my cynical side immediately dismissed as a falsehood.
The general message that all of the acts conveyed was that God is waiting for us to accept him.
At that point, he will accept us, and forgive us… and yaddi-yah-yah…
Um… er…
I thought that for the past 19 months, I’ve been asking God to accept me.
And then I get curious:
‘Have I not been asking correctly?’
This is where ‘it’ breaks down.
What do I need to do… Other than what I have been doing?
I DON’T Know!
And that is where I am stuck.
Tonight, I saw SOOO many people become SOOO moved.
Moved by what? I don’t know.
Regardless, I wish I were moved.
I am recognizant of the fact that *Something* made those people that excited.
*Something* made those bands SOOO passionate about what they were doing.
And I want that same thing.
I want that same *Something* to make me that genuinely excited.
I want that same *Something* to make me that passionate about something.
And again…
If this isn’t me accepting Jesus’ gift of salvation, I don’t know what is.
Do I need to type it?
‘JESUS, I want you to come into my life. JESUS, I want you to be my savior.’
I’ve said it a hundred times. Why should this time be any different.
Again:
“Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I’m in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He’s holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. “Boy, you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win!”
Even with me, it isn’t that I can’t make the leap and accept him… That almost seems like the easy part for me. My problem is that it doesn’t seem like there is anyone holding out an open hand. There isn’t anyone that I can walk to…
“But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
The voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth”
I WANT TO HEAR THAT VOICE.
why can’t i?
Why? Because I Am Not God.
I Guess He Know’s Why.
I’d really like to find out though.
“Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again”
I’d like to talk to someone about this…
I’d like to talk to YOU about this…
Even more, I suppose I’d like to talk to God about this.
‘Comeon God… I’m listening.’
A sense of urgency arrives -
Go listen to the song “Here I Go Again”, by Casting Crowns.
I feel hypocritical…
I have made it a point to let those closest in my life know how much I love them.
What if I don’t wake up tomorrow? Will those I love know it?
I so dearly hope so.
What if I don’t wake up tomorrow? Will God know my true wishes?
I so dearly hope so.
Unfortunately, in both situations, I can never be completely sure.
Do I even know my true wishes?
I don’t know that hypothesizing on this will produce anything positive.
I revert again:
“Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again”
I’d like to talk to someone about this…
I’d like to talk to YOU about this…
Even more, I suppose I’d like to talk to God about this.
‘Comeon God… I’m listening.’