Archive for April, 2004

[Name Withheld]

Nathanael Berends April 25th, 2004

Nate Berends: Yes… The Truth Is That Your Friends Are Really Really Concerned About You… [Names Withheld] Have All Expressed Concern

Nate Berends: I Am Concerned From What I Hear…

[Name Withheld]: im not that baddd

Nate Berends: I Don’t Know You, So As I’ve Said Before, I Don’t Know Your Circumstances… But It Seems That They Are Reall Really Scared For You

Nate Berends: Maybe Not… But They Are Concerned… And Disapointed At The Loss Of A Friend

7:30 PM

[Name Withheld]: im not gone

Nate Berends: You Need To Know That - This Change Has Had Its Consequesces…

Nate Berends: They Certainly Don’t Seem To Regard You As They Used To

Nate Berends: They Talk About How Cool, And How Much Fun You Used To Be…

Nate Berends: USED To Be

Nate Berends: They Are Hurt, And You Need To Know That…

[Name Withheld]: welll, [Name Withheld] ditched that whole group..[Name Withheld] chills with soph.s [Name Withheld] and me were never really tight like that ..

[Name Withheld]: i donno why they think i ditched them

[Name Withheld]: if they wanted to hang out

[Name Withheld]: they coulda asked

Nate Berends: I Never Said Ditched

Nate Berends: But Your Change In Attitude, And Personality…

Nate Berends: I Really Don’t Know You, So Take My Words For What They Are Worth…

Nate Berends: But Know This…

7:35 PM

Nate Berends: I Meant Last Night To Be As Nothing More Than Friends… But As I Am Getting To Know You More, I Am Realizing That I Care Hugely For Who You Are As A Person. I Don’t Know Who You Used To Be; But As They Talk About You, I Am Wishing That I Knew The Same [Name Withheld] That They Talked About… The “Old” You… The Bottom Line Is That Until The Conversation Last Night, I Only Ever Wanted To Be A Good Friend… Your Friends Care So Much About You… I Do Too… You Need To Know That. You Need To Know That They Are Disappointed, And You Need To Know That I Really Really Really Do Care About Who You Are… Or At Least Who I Think You Are.

7:40 PM

[Name Withheld]: thats sooo sweet….. i don’t really c how ive changed soo much..but ill c..ill try to figure it out…ill talk with them..

Nate Berends: I’m Not Trying To Be Sweet… I Am Trying To Be Honest

[Name Withheld]: i know

[Name Withheld]: sry

[Name Withheld]: but it is

Nate Berends: [Name Withheld], You Really Don’t Need To Appologize

[Name Withheld]: ok….my badd

Nate Berends: But Does That Make Sense?

[Name Withheld]: yes..ill work on it

[Name Withheld]: thanks for telling me

Nate Berends: [Name Withheld] Mentioned How Equestrian Was So Much Fun With You

Nate Berends: She Suggested That That Changed

[Name Withheld]: they were kinda mad??? about something that happened during sb..

[Name Withheld]: she doens’t ride anymore…

[Name Withheld]: i don’t know

[Name Withheld]: changed how??

Nate Berends: I Know She Doesn’t

Nate Berends: I Know About SB Too… That Sucks… But That Is Another Gleaming Example Of The Person Who You Are Becoming… The Person That They Don’t Want You To Be, The Person That I’d Hate To See You Become, And The Person I’d Hope You Don’t Want To Become…

Nate Berends: I Heard What Happened… Is That What You Want?

[Name Withheld]: i dont’ want to become that..did [Name Withheld] tell u or [Name Withheld] or who??

[Name Withheld]: no

[Name Withheld]: it was stupid and i was soooo wasted it’s not even funny

Nate Berends: I’ve Got Sources… Honestly, It Doesn’t Matter Who Told Me

7:45 PM

[Name Withheld]: it wsa the dumbest thing ever

[Name Withheld]: please tlel me

[Name Withheld]: i don’t like having random peps talk bout me

[Name Withheld]: please

Nate Berends: The Problem Is That Next Time, It Won’t Stop There… It’ll End Up Worse… And That Is Sooo Concerning To Them

Nate Berends: They Aren’t Random

Nate Berends: That Is The Problem With This Behavior

[Name Withheld]: no..is it [Name Withheld] or [Name Withheld] or [Name Withheld] ..please i already know that they told each other..

[Name Withheld]: i know

[Name Withheld]: im sry

[Name Withheld]: it was horrible

[Name Withheld]: and im never gonna hang out with random guys everrrrr agin not sober..an dim not gonna be a slut

Nate Berends: I Am All About Peeps Drinking Responsibly… But When You Get That Wasted, And Do What You Did, And Hurt Your Friends In That Way, It Is A Problem

Nate Berends: Do You Remember Some Of The First Conversations We Had?

[Name Withheld]: about what??

7:50 PM

Nate Berends: One Of The First Conversations We Had Was About Drinking, And I Said This; I Am Fine With Underage Drinking, And Smoking Because Honestly, It Is A Choice On A Personal Level… I Will Almost Never Tell Somebody To Not Drink, Or Not Smoke. But That Is A HUGE Almost: As Long As You Are Not Hurting Others With Your Actions, I Will Never Tell You What Is Right… But When You Start Hurting Others By Your Actions, Then I Will Call You Out - I Will Tell You To Your Face That You Are Wrong. I Have Seen So Many People I Love Get Hurt By Nasty Shit Like Alcohol, And Drugs - I Have Seen So Many People Get Destroyed By It, That I’ve Got No Tolerance For It. In Your Situation, When You Hurt [Name Withheld] Like You Did, I Will Tell You To Your Face That You Are Wrong, And What You Are Doing Is Wrong.

Nate Berends: It Is That Simple

[Name Withheld]: Damn im gonna cry..

Nate Berends: Again, I Don’t Know You, But Our Limited Relationship Has Caused Me To Care Sooooooo Incredibly Much About You… I Can’t Explain It, But I Care About You… Alot - I Need You To Know That

Nate Berends: Please Don’t

Nate Berends: Cause Then I Would

Nate Berends: But I Need To Get That Out There, And I Need You To Know This

[Name Withheld]: alright…damn…

7:55 PM

[Name Withheld]: i seriously might cry

Nate Berends: As May I…

Nate Berends: I Don’t Cry, But You Cannot Underestimate How Important This It To Me…

Nate Berends: There Are Few Things In Life That I Feel Stronger About

[Name Withheld]: im sososoo sorry……..ur for real gonna make me cry

Nate Berends: Don’t Appologize To Me, You Don’t Need To…

Nate Berends: Apologize To Your Friends - Those Who Have Been Hurt By Your Actions.

[Name Withheld]: i will…

Nate Berends: Please Please Please Just Understand What I Am Saying

[Name Withheld]: i do..thanks sooooo much

Nate Berends: Not A Problem At All

Nate Berends: I Promised Some Friends That I’d Try And Talk To You About This… I Am

Nate Berends: Apologizing Is One Thing… And Making Sure That You Won’t Need To Apologize Again Is Totally Separate

[Name Withheld]: yeah no kiddin

Nate Berends: Please Know That

8:00 PM

[Name Withheld]: yeah…..i feel sooo baddddd…thank u soooo much

Nate Berends: Don’t Feel Bad

Nate Berends: Feel Regretful, And Excited

[Name Withheld]: i do i feel terrible..yeah

[Name Withheld]: that too

Nate Berends: Excited That You Can Change This

[Name Withheld]: yes

Nate Berends: Excited That There Is Forgiveness, And New Chances

[Name Withheld]: will they forgive me..??

Nate Berends: Of Course

[Name Withheld]: ok….

Nate Berends: Will You Forgive Yourself?

Nate Berends: That’s The Question

[Name Withheld]: no.

Nate Berends: You Need To

8:05 PM

Nate Berends: It Happened, And It Is What It Is… The Only Thing You Can Do Is Learn From It

[Name Withheld]: yeah but i feel horrible ,…theyll never forget bout it

Nate Berends: But They Can Forgive

I’m Finding That I Really Care About Her…

Nathanael Berends April 25th, 2004

If You Know Who This Post Regards, Please Please Please Avoid The Desire To Gossip, Or Discuss It…

—————-

Nate Berends: She Has Also Been Turning Slightly Whorish…
Mark Haines: oh relaly
Mark Haines: with who
Nate Berends: All Assholes
Nate Berends: It Sucks… I Really Liked Her… But She Has Got Alot Of Problems…
Mark Haines: that’s not good
Mark Haines: so what happened last weekend
Nate Berends: Part Of Me Wants To Try And Help Her Out… And Part Of Me Wants Nothing To Do With Her…
Mark Haines: well i think the former part is correct
Nate Berends: She Was The DD, And Had A Really Bad Time Dealing With Stoned Drunks
Nate Berends: Do YOu?
Mark Haines: i think you should try to help her out
Nate Berends: I Want To… But I Don’t Know How
Nate Berends: How Can I?
Mark Haines: i don’t know either
Mark Haines: i’m not sure
Nate Berends: I Just Need To Have More Deep Honest Conversations…
Mark Haines: i’d like to help her out too
Nate Berends: But The Thought That That Whole Beautiful Thing Was An Act To Get Attention…

[section omitted]

Nate Berends: I Know That She Is Certainly Capable Of Fucking Up Like That… And That Would Suck
Nate Berends: I’m Finding That I Really Care About Her…

—————-

I Try Sooo Hard Not To Be Judgemental… But I’m Not Always Sucessful…

This Sucks…

I Thought I’d Be Able To Ignore It, But There Is Some Deep Urge To Help Her…

To Show Her How Life Should Be…

What Really Matters…

I Know That I Should Never Tell Someone How Their Life Should Be… But This Really Is A Problem…

But What Is The Responsibility Of A Person To Help Others?

I Dunno… I Hope I Find Out.

A different ‘cool’

Nathanael Berends April 20th, 2004

Remember When I Said Life Is About Affirmation?

I Do…

It Dawned On Me Today - As I Replayed Last Night In My Head - That Affirmation Doesn’t Stop There; At Simple Affirmation.

It Continues Into All Aspects Of Life - Self Affirmation Representing A Primary Component.

I’ve Been Talking To Friends Lately, And Have Been Discussing The Horrible Divisions Of Students In The Junior Class - It Seems That The Social Structures Are Horribly Out Of Whack:

I Find It Somewhat Dissapointing That I Am Part Of The “Popular” Group…

I Fully Admit That When I Made My Way - With Surprising Ease - Into This Group, I Had The Full Intention Of Swingin’ In The “Popular” Circles. I Wanted To Be “Cool”, And I Wanted Other People To See Me As “Cool”.

I Am Now Realizing Though That This Group Is Not Representative Of The Truely Cool Kids In My Grade.

After Talking In Depth With Some Really Cool People, I Realized What I Probably Should Have Seen All Along…

The “Popular” Kids Are Only So, B/c They Say So, And Have Fooled The Rest Of The Grade Into Believing Them.

It’s A Joke, And The Tough Part Is That Most People Don’t See It. They See A Social Structure That Will Forever Boggle Them…

I Was Talking With A Person Who Wanted To Make Friends With Some New Folks, But Dared Not Talk To Said People - Citing This Reason: “They Are Too High Above Me”…

That Is A Joke - It’s Sad, And Shouldn’t Be.

The Only Reason That They Are “Popular” Is B/c They Can Fake Themselfs Better - They Can Fake Self-Confidence, Fake Friendship, And Fake Life…

I Don’t Want That… I Hope You Don’t Either. It Is Time That We Realize People Should Desire Friends, Not Popularity…

Perhaps This Makes No Sense…

Pray Hope That It Does.

I Love You All

I Desire Friends - Not Popularity. Remind Me If I Forget.

Miles & Jordan = Brilliant

Nathanael Berends April 18th, 2004

In a world where certain sociological sects perpetuate their own demise; where society is drawing brother to kill brother; where corporations are sacrificing human lives for a fractional increase of revenue; where being un-cliché has become cliché – it is here that I realized the importance of

————-

I Wrote That Moments Ago, But Never Made It Past There.

I Suppose That In My Efforts To Register Some Of The Most Profound Thoughts Of My Life, I Realized That I Didn’t Want To.

Last Night, I Was Given The Gift Of Company, From Two Of The Most Brilliant People I Know…

This Assembly Of Thought Spawned Some Of The Most Epiphanatic Ideas That I Have Ever Allowed My Mind To Consider.

For This, I Am Greatly Thankful To You Guys.

Just As I Recalled Our Discussions Of Cliche’, I Realized I Was Exemplifying Such An Author. I Was Using Large Words - And Complicated Sentances - To Appear Smart And Knowledgable.

This Is A Shame, And A Reality.

Let’s Do This Again…

Maybe Make Some Music Sometime?..

Maybe A Film?..

Or A Film With Music?..

I’ve Got A Better Idea Than The Preceeding Three…

Let’s Make A Change.

Brent has booze and I don’t know.

Nathanael Berends April 17th, 2004

Crazyest Thing Happened Tonight…

———————-

AIM IM with Anna Rodenhouse

12:20 AM

Nate Berends: Hey Hey

Anna Rodenhouse: hey

Nate Berends: Funny Story

Anna Rodenhouse: how was your night?

Anna Rodenhouse: oh yeha?

Nate Berends: Crazy As Hell…

Nate Berends: We - Brent & I - Were Headed To The “Spot”…

Anna Rodenhouse: ha ok

Nate Berends: And As We Pulled Up, We Saw A State Trooper…

Anna Rodenhouse: uh oh

Nate Berends: Brent Realizes We Have Four Deuces, And A Fifth In My Trunk…

Anna Rodenhouse: uhhhhh

Nate Berends: We Pull By, And Turn Around, And Begin To Leave…

Nate Berends: He Turns As Well…

Nate Berends: We Noticed That He Had Probably Been There For A Little While, And Knew What Was Going On…

Nate Berends: HE Begins Following Us…

Anna Rodenhouse: oh geez

Nate Berends: We Make It Halfway To The Expressway - Going EXACTLY The Speed Limit

Anna Rodenhouse: hahah thats alwasy fun

Nate Berends: The Sirens Go On, And We Have Officially Been Pulled Over…

Anna Rodenhouse: omg

Anna Rodenhouse: holy shit

Nate Berends: Brent Realizes What Is In The Tunk, And Starts To Get Worried…

Nate Berends: I Hadn’t Realized What Was In There, So I Was Calm - I Kept Telling Brent “It’s Okay, We Didn’t Break Any Law!”…

Nate Berends: He Asks For License, Registration, And Proof Of Insurance…

Anna Rodenhouse: all good

Nate Berends: We Give It To Him, And He Asks Us What We Know About The Party…

12:25 AM

Anna Rodenhouse: hmmmm

Nate Berends: We Knew Nothing, And That We Were Lost Looking For A House On 14 Mile…

Anna Rodenhouse: niiiice

Nate Berends: He Checks Our Info, And It Checks Out, And He Lets Us Go, B/c We Didn’t Break Any Law…

Anna Rodenhouse: wow 14 mile thats a ways out

Anna Rodenhouse: wow

Anna Rodenhouse: scaaarrry

Nate Berends: Before The Cop Returned, Brent Informed Me About What Was In The Trunk, So I Begin To Internally Freak OUt…

Nate Berends: He Returns Out Stuff, And Takes Off - We Are Clear…

Nate Berends: We Then Called The Crew That Was Out There, Give Them A Warning That
They Don’t Heed…

Nate Berends: So We Figured Screw Them, And Went Home - Laughing All The Way

Anna Rodenhouse: ahh if that happened to me i wouldnt be able to keep it cool

Nate Berends: Scaryest THing Ever

Nate Berends: I Did… I Wouldn’t Have If I Knew What Was In My Trunk

Nate Berends: Crazy

Nate Berends: So Anyhow… How Was Your Night?

———————

So There It Is…

Ben, Jer, Joel, Mal, Jill, Erin… I Should’ve Listened To You Guys…

But Providence… I’d Love To Tell You Guys How Providence Played An Amazing Hand In Tonights Going Ons…

Ask Me.

“…so fuck you guys. I stopped caring about what you thought a long time ago.”

Nathanael Berends April 15th, 2004

Hey - This Was On A Friends Buddy Information. It Seems That Lately I Have Been Neglecting Certain Groups Of Friends; And For That, I Am Genuinly Sorry…

————

Shit, everyone should go onto nates “xanga” and read it, this is a man that is truly smarter than he lets on. I feel privaliged to know him and consider him my friend. We took him for granted guys, and now hes made new friends, but perhaps it is for the better. Either way i applaud you Nate, keep doing what youre doing.

Written by drew lautenbach in an effort to get nate to start hanging out with us again, put this in your info if you share my desire to go out for coffee with him.

Yeah, i actually read that xanga bullshit, but people are completely different on there and i like it, so fuck you guys. I stopped caring about what you thought a long time ago.

————

That Means So Much… Thanks Drew - I’m Sorry.

Never Forget to Love

Nathanael Berends April 13th, 2004

I Love Friends Who Remind Me Of Beauty - It Is To You Whom I Am Eternally Greatful.

Beauty Is Poetry, And The Converse Is The Same; Thanks For Showing Me That.

—————————–

I walked around my good intentions and found that there were none.

And if i dont make it known that, I’ve loved you all along, just like sunny
days that we all ignore because were all dumb and jaded. and I hope to God I
figure out whats wrong.

——————————

I Want To Make It Known That I Do Love You All - I Have All Along.

If There Is Ever Any Doubt, I Do Sincerely Hope To God I Figure Out What’s Wrong.

Life Is About Affirmation - Never Forget That:

Never Forget To Remind Me

Never Forget To Love Beauty…

Never Forget To Love.

Here Come the Politics!

Nathanael Berends April 13th, 2004

FYI - This Post Is Scary, But I’ve Got A Sneaking Premonition That It Could Be True:
———————————————————————

This Is From Preppromqueen’s Xanga, On 4/6/04:

—————————————–

dana–
hey. i think that’s awesome. tell me what day you are fasting and i’ll join you.

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Posted 4/7/2004 at 6:52 PM by theunderclassman2

yeah! let me know too!

he’s got my vote (’cause i’ll be 18 =P)

I’m not going to tell anybody that Bush is perfect..i am going to tell everybody that this man knows God..and has our country’s best’s interests in his mind at all times….I’m not voting because of his political affiliation..but because of his apparent love for God!

Posted 4/8/2004 at 6:08 PM by iheartsarah

———————–

WTF…

The Murderer Knows God? Perhaps - But Certianly No Better Than Kerry.

Ask Bush Why 648 American Children Will Never Come Home From Iraq…

This Is The Stupid Ignorance That Will Lead America To Distruction -

It Happens To All Imperialistic-Minded Countries - China, Rome, Babylon.

Why Should America Be Any DIfferent -

What Arrogance Makes Any American Think That We Are Totally Impervious To This Type Of Downfall?

Rome Was Bigger, & More Powerfull Than America Ever Has Been, Or Ever Will Ever Be - Now, Most Of Ancient Rome Is Behind Glass In American Museums.

It Makes You Think… If It Doesn’t, You May Want To Ask Yourself; “Why?”.

Ignorange, Arrogance, And Selective Attention Are Going To Destroy Our Country:

The Moment We Think It Can’t, It Will.

Lets See Our “Great Christian President” Read The Verse That Reminds Us:

“Pride Cometh Before The Fall”

… Because It Certainly Does.

Family and Politics

Nathanael Berends April 12th, 2004

Politics & Family Gatherings Don’t Mix.

As We Eyed The Steaming Ham And Lamb On Easter Sunday, One Of My New Cousins - Initiated Into The Family Through Marriage - Mentioned Something Political…

My Dad Was Quick To Educate Him That We Don’t Discuss Politics At Family Gatherings - He Cited A Colorful History Of Agruments That Developed As A Result.

Anyhow, My Dad Then Felt The Need To Explain Why:

My Dad Leans Over, And Nearly Inaudible, He Whispers Something.

My Cousin Trys To Hide A Cynical Grin, But Makes A Fool Of Himself Even Attempting It…

It Was Clear That He Opposed Whatever Message My Dad Gave Him.

It Wasn’t Untill 8:00, or 9:00 That I Finally Asked Just What He Said.

“Bush Is A Murderer” My Dad Responds.

It’s The Truth - We Then Laughed At The Ingnorance That Could Cause Someone To Believe Otherwise.

I’d Love To Discuss This With You Sometime.

Our World Is So Messed Up Right Now; And It Is Never Right To Take Some Form Of Imperial Stance On The World, And Lead Some Form Of Conquest Against The “Un-Civilized” World.

It Wasn’t Right A Thousand Years Ago, And It Isn’t Right Today.

What Scares Me Even More Is This:

The Blood Is On Our Hands Only - Nobody Elses.

How Can It Be That We Are The Only “Smart” Country In The World - That We Know What Is Best?

There Is No Wonder As To Why We Never Got Support From The UN, Or Any Other Countrys.

Bush Is - In My Opinion - Worse Than Any Other Terrorist Out There…

Bush Is A Terrorist.

The Lies, And Mis-Truths That He Is Perpetuating Are Astounding.

The Problem Is That Bush’s Search For Weapons Of Mass Distruction Was Looking At The Wrong Country - He Should Be Looking At America, Not Iraq.

Lies Are The Real Weapons Of Mass Distruction.

I Realize Zack Already Posted The Following Passage, But I Did Steal The Album First, So I Can Claim Some Original Right To This.

Just As I Have Stolen This From Zack, Please Steal It From Me.

This Is A Message That Is So Pertinent To Todays World:

————————————-

Now more then ever, the world needs all of us to pay attention.

The rain forests vanishing, caught between poverty and greed.

The continent of Africa, awash with war and disease.

Here in America, human rights crumble under the threat of terrorism.

Now more then ever, we need laughter not tears.

Songs not screams. Hope not despair.

Now we need to put aside history that perpetuates war.

Now we must save our tomorrows by honoring today.

Now more then ever.

Eye came to a new world.

Nathanael Berends April 11th, 2004

I Wrote This In Magnetic Poetry On Brents Refidgerator…

It Turned Out Better Than I Expected.

… It Won’t Let Me Format It As I Have It In The Word Doc THough… You’ll Need To Trust Me.
—————————-

Before the truth decides to dream

I hear a voice
The last word
We wish
Reaction
I dream today
I live every bliss
The possibility
My first thought
In a straight line

My vision -
Noise creates no such thing

As a solution is unlikely
An ocean of the obvious thoughts
Increase
My imagination echoes
From fear
A perfect world toward answers
With unknown definitions

My house
The mountain
The forest
Recognizes dreams
The right place listens for the sound

Reality whispers to me
In a million directions of first impression
Without limitation

The world doesn’t see
The beauty is simple
The idea is the same

Someone realizes meaning

Language knows of impossible machines
She does too

(S)he follows love
Shifts a system

It starts over
With a good beat
Tomorrow forgets yesterday

A journey reminds me

The universe draws conclusions too fast
It moves another to judge

If my idea desires creativity
I give my mind life

The time reconsiders me
As another thinks to follow

With surprises the questions begin

Nervous of why
I close my eyes without fear

The world
Speaks in rhyme
Imagines
Turns
Believes
Surprises
Was
Is

Eye came to a new world

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