Nathanael Berends April 25th, 2004
I Just Posted An Amazingly Long Xanga… But It’s Very Very Serious, And Thus Is Protected. Some People Will Be Able To See It.
I’ve Put Those That It May Pertain To On The Protected List… You Need To Be Signed In To See It.
Nathanael Berends April 25th, 2004
Nate Berends: Yes… The Truth Is That Your Friends Are Really Really Concerned About You… [Names Withheld] Have All Expressed Concern
Nate Berends: I Am Concerned From What I Hear…
[Name Withheld]: im not that baddd
Nate Berends: I Don’t Know You, So As I’ve Said Before, I Don’t Know Your Circumstances… But It Seems That They Are Reall Really Scared For You
Nate Berends: Maybe Not… But They Are Concerned… And Disapointed At The Loss Of A Friend
7:30 PM
[Name Withheld]: im not gone
Nate Berends: You Need To Know That - This Change Has Had Its Consequesces…
Nate Berends: They Certainly Don’t Seem To Regard You As They Used To
Nate Berends: They Talk About How Cool, And How Much Fun You Used To Be…
Nate Berends: USED To Be
Nate Berends: They Are Hurt, And You Need To Know That…
[Name Withheld]: welll, [Name Withheld] ditched that whole group..[Name Withheld] chills with soph.s [Name Withheld] and me were never really tight like that ..
[Name Withheld]: i donno why they think i ditched them
[Name Withheld]: if they wanted to hang out
[Name Withheld]: they coulda asked
Nate Berends: I Never Said Ditched
Nate Berends: But Your Change In Attitude, And Personality…
Nate Berends: I Really Don’t Know You, So Take My Words For What They Are Worth…
Nate Berends: But Know This…
7:35 PM
Nate Berends: I Meant Last Night To Be As Nothing More Than Friends… But As I Am Getting To Know You More, I Am Realizing That I Care Hugely For Who You Are As A Person. I Don’t Know Who You Used To Be; But As They Talk About You, I Am Wishing That I Knew The Same [Name Withheld] That They Talked About… The “Old” You… The Bottom Line Is That Until The Conversation Last Night, I Only Ever Wanted To Be A Good Friend… Your Friends Care So Much About You… I Do Too… You Need To Know That. You Need To Know That They Are Disappointed, And You Need To Know That I Really Really Really Do Care About Who You Are… Or At Least Who I Think You Are.
7:40 PM
[Name Withheld]: thats sooo sweet….. i don’t really c how ive changed soo much..but ill c..ill try to figure it out…ill talk with them..
Nate Berends: I’m Not Trying To Be Sweet… I Am Trying To Be Honest
[Name Withheld]: i know
[Name Withheld]: sry
[Name Withheld]: but it is
Nate Berends: [Name Withheld], You Really Don’t Need To Appologize
[Name Withheld]: ok….my badd
Nate Berends: But Does That Make Sense?
[Name Withheld]: yes..ill work on it
[Name Withheld]: thanks for telling me
Nate Berends: [Name Withheld] Mentioned How Equestrian Was So Much Fun With You
Nate Berends: She Suggested That That Changed
[Name Withheld]: they were kinda mad??? about something that happened during sb..
[Name Withheld]: she doens’t ride anymore…
[Name Withheld]: i don’t know
[Name Withheld]: changed how??
Nate Berends: I Know She Doesn’t
Nate Berends: I Know About SB Too… That Sucks… But That Is Another Gleaming Example Of The Person Who You Are Becoming… The Person That They Don’t Want You To Be, The Person That I’d Hate To See You Become, And The Person I’d Hope You Don’t Want To Become…
Nate Berends: I Heard What Happened… Is That What You Want?
[Name Withheld]: i dont’ want to become that..did [Name Withheld] tell u or [Name Withheld] or who??
[Name Withheld]: no
[Name Withheld]: it was stupid and i was soooo wasted it’s not even funny
Nate Berends: I’ve Got Sources… Honestly, It Doesn’t Matter Who Told Me
7:45 PM
[Name Withheld]: it wsa the dumbest thing ever
[Name Withheld]: please tlel me
[Name Withheld]: i don’t like having random peps talk bout me
[Name Withheld]: please
Nate Berends: The Problem Is That Next Time, It Won’t Stop There… It’ll End Up Worse… And That Is Sooo Concerning To Them
Nate Berends: They Aren’t Random
Nate Berends: That Is The Problem With This Behavior
[Name Withheld]: no..is it [Name Withheld] or [Name Withheld] or [Name Withheld] ..please i already know that they told each other..
[Name Withheld]: i know
[Name Withheld]: im sry
[Name Withheld]: it was horrible
[Name Withheld]: and im never gonna hang out with random guys everrrrr agin not sober..an dim not gonna be a slut
Nate Berends: I Am All About Peeps Drinking Responsibly… But When You Get That Wasted, And Do What You Did, And Hurt Your Friends In That Way, It Is A Problem
Nate Berends: Do You Remember Some Of The First Conversations We Had?
[Name Withheld]: about what??
7:50 PM
Nate Berends: One Of The First Conversations We Had Was About Drinking, And I Said This; I Am Fine With Underage Drinking, And Smoking Because Honestly, It Is A Choice On A Personal Level… I Will Almost Never Tell Somebody To Not Drink, Or Not Smoke. But That Is A HUGE Almost: As Long As You Are Not Hurting Others With Your Actions, I Will Never Tell You What Is Right… But When You Start Hurting Others By Your Actions, Then I Will Call You Out - I Will Tell You To Your Face That You Are Wrong. I Have Seen So Many People I Love Get Hurt By Nasty Shit Like Alcohol, And Drugs - I Have Seen So Many People Get Destroyed By It, That I’ve Got No Tolerance For It. In Your Situation, When You Hurt [Name Withheld] Like You Did, I Will Tell You To Your Face That You Are Wrong, And What You Are Doing Is Wrong.
Nate Berends: It Is That Simple
[Name Withheld]: Damn im gonna cry..
Nate Berends: Again, I Don’t Know You, But Our Limited Relationship Has Caused Me To Care Sooooooo Incredibly Much About You… I Can’t Explain It, But I Care About You… Alot - I Need You To Know That
Nate Berends: Please Don’t
Nate Berends: Cause Then I Would
Nate Berends: But I Need To Get That Out There, And I Need You To Know This
[Name Withheld]: alright…damn…
7:55 PM
[Name Withheld]: i seriously might cry
Nate Berends: As May I…
Nate Berends: I Don’t Cry, But You Cannot Underestimate How Important This It To Me…
Nate Berends: There Are Few Things In Life That I Feel Stronger About
[Name Withheld]: im sososoo sorry……..ur for real gonna make me cry
Nate Berends: Don’t Appologize To Me, You Don’t Need To…
Nate Berends: Apologize To Your Friends - Those Who Have Been Hurt By Your Actions.
[Name Withheld]: i will…
Nate Berends: Please Please Please Just Understand What I Am Saying
[Name Withheld]: i do..thanks sooooo much
Nate Berends: Not A Problem At All
Nate Berends: I Promised Some Friends That I’d Try And Talk To You About This… I Am
Nate Berends: Apologizing Is One Thing… And Making Sure That You Won’t Need To Apologize Again Is Totally Separate
[Name Withheld]: yeah no kiddin
Nate Berends: Please Know That
8:00 PM
[Name Withheld]: yeah…..i feel sooo baddddd…thank u soooo much
Nate Berends: Don’t Feel Bad
Nate Berends: Feel Regretful, And Excited
[Name Withheld]: i do i feel terrible..yeah
[Name Withheld]: that too
Nate Berends: Excited That You Can Change This
[Name Withheld]: yes
Nate Berends: Excited That There Is Forgiveness, And New Chances
[Name Withheld]: will they forgive me..??
Nate Berends: Of Course
[Name Withheld]: ok….
Nate Berends: Will You Forgive Yourself?
Nate Berends: That’s The Question
[Name Withheld]: no.
Nate Berends: You Need To
8:05 PM
Nate Berends: It Happened, And It Is What It Is… The Only Thing You Can Do Is Learn From It
[Name Withheld]: yeah but i feel horrible ,…theyll never forget bout it
Nate Berends: But They Can Forgive
Nathanael Berends April 25th, 2004
If You Know Who This Post Regards, Please Please Please Avoid The Desire To Gossip, Or Discuss It…
—————-
Nate Berends: She Has Also Been Turning Slightly Whorish…
Mark Haines: oh relaly
Mark Haines: with who
Nate Berends: All Assholes
Nate Berends: It Sucks… I Really Liked Her… But She Has Got Alot Of Problems…
Mark Haines: that’s not good
Mark Haines: so what happened last weekend
Nate Berends: Part Of Me Wants To Try And Help Her Out… And Part Of Me Wants Nothing To Do With Her…
Mark Haines: well i think the former part is correct
Nate Berends: She Was The DD, And Had A Really Bad Time Dealing With Stoned Drunks
Nate Berends: Do YOu?
Mark Haines: i think you should try to help her out
Nate Berends: I Want To… But I Don’t Know How
Nate Berends: How Can I?
Mark Haines: i don’t know either
Mark Haines: i’m not sure
Nate Berends: I Just Need To Have More Deep Honest Conversations…
Mark Haines: i’d like to help her out too
Nate Berends: But The Thought That That Whole Beautiful Thing Was An Act To Get Attention…
[section omitted]
Nate Berends: I Know That She Is Certainly Capable Of Fucking Up Like That… And That Would Suck
Nate Berends: I’m Finding That I Really Care About Her…
—————-
I Try Sooo Hard Not To Be Judgemental… But I’m Not Always Sucessful…
This Sucks…
I Thought I’d Be Able To Ignore It, But There Is Some Deep Urge To Help Her…
To Show Her How Life Should Be…
What Really Matters…
I Know That I Should Never Tell Someone How Their Life Should Be… But This Really Is A Problem…
But What Is The Responsibility Of A Person To Help Others?
I Dunno… I Hope I Find Out.