Nathanael Berends April 29th, 2004
I need a new brain.
I plead my case derived from the factors following:
When I imagine the smile – my mind can’t create the picture;
As if such beauty, were foreign to my cerebellum.
When I listen for the laugh, in what I know to be silence;
My mind can’t render what joy that’d be.
But if I were to imagine the presence – in a void where it’s not;
Than I’d often be denied the joy of fore, and afterthought.
Nathanael Berends April 28th, 2004
Wow… So I don’t know what it is, but all this week, I’ve been having really odd eating habits:
——–
My Typical Day Is As Follows:
Breakfast (6:30am): Apple & Bannana
Lunch (11:43): Sandwich, Yogurt, Chips, Granola Bar
After School (2:00): Light Snack (Typically A Handful Of Chips, Or A Bagel)
Dinner: None.
——–
It’s odd, b/c I am not hungry as I’d expect to be around “Dinner-Time”…
Is this unhealthy? I hope not.
I know a guy who ate only six meals a week - each meal consisting of a glorified salad. He managed to loose 45 pounds in a matter of 5, or 6 weeks.
I wonder if I could do that…
That’d be kinda cool… just to see if I could do it.
———–
Random Tangent… Steve Earle Is A Genious:
I woke up this mornin’ and none of the news was good
And death machines were rumblin’ ‘cross the ground where Jesus stood
And the man on my TV told me that it had always been that way
And there was nothin’ anyone could do or say
And I almost listened to him
Yeah, I almost lost my mind
Then I regained my senses again
And looked into my heart to find
That I believe that one fine day all the children of Abraham
Will lay down their swords forever in Jerusalem
Well maybe I’m only dreamin’ and maybe I’m just a fool
But I don’t remember learnin’ how to hate in Sunday school
But somewhere along the way I strayed and I never looked back again
But I still find some comfort now and then
Then the storm comes rumblin’ in
And I can’t lay me down
And the drums are drummin’ again
And I can’t stand the sound
But I believe there’ll come a day when the lion and the lamb
Will lie down in peace together in Jerusalem
And there’ll be no barricades then
There’ll be no wire or walls
And we can wash all this blood from our hands
And all this hatred from our souls
And I believe that on that day all the children of Abraham
Will lay down their swords forever in Jerusalem
Nathanael Berends April 27th, 2004
Today was dynamic.
—————
I had put on shorts, and my birks anticipating a warm day…
It was snowing when I went to my car
Things happened untill morning break…
It was then that I payed the ungodly price of $8 to get my ACT scores
———-
I GOT A 30!!!!
That is the top 3% in the COUNTRY!
Other Highlights Include:
- Reading/Social Sciences - Top 1%
- Adv. Geometry & Trig - Top 1%
- English/Rhetorical Skills - Top 2%
- General Reading - Top 3%
———–
Wow… top 3%… that made my day…
Vellinga said I could get mad scholarships with those scores, and could basicly choose the non-ivy league school of my preference…
That Kicks ASS!
———–
I am so glad that I got these scores, because I honestly needed something to make it through the day.
————
I reread last night’s post, and realized its true ficticious origin…
————
I suppose I worte it as a futile attempt at convincing myself of its truth.
To a plethora of my own disenchantment, it worked for a while…
The truth is that people can tell me that a situation has been layed to rest, and I can believe them to a degree… I did for a brief period of time.
The problem that I am now combating is belief.
I truly don’t believe that the situation has been delt with.
I was told I ruined a life.
Logic suggests that maybe this was said in anger; but regardless of the emotion behind it - or it’s prideful foundation - it was still said…
This is not the type of statement that falls to fruition with nothing behind it - there was a reason.
You can dismiss this comment a million times - but I can’t.
I can’t believe that someone says this, and then - in the same day - can act all peachy and composed.
You say it’s fine…
But I still don’t.
Nathanael Berends April 26th, 2004
Wow… As I Laugh Through Tears Of Joy, I Realized That I Need To Profess This To The World:
w/e it’s good….is it bad taht im laughin??
11:20 PM
Laughing?
Of Course Not
At What?
how terrible it wa
*was
Yeah… It Was Quite The Drama…
I Am Glad We Can Laugh About This Though
That’s Awesome
yeah
it’s all good
Good
You Need To Know How Huge I Am Smiling Now…
This Is Very Cool
yeah
Nathanael Berends April 26th, 2004
I Thought I Was Cool With Four Posts In One Day… Here Is Five:
Today Was One Of The Best Days I Have Had In A Long Time…
It Has Also Been One Of The Worst.
———-
The Day Began Well - Seeing As It Was A Monday - And Kept Going Up Untill Fourth Hour.
During Fourth Hour, Me And Deppe Convinced Vogel To Let Us Spend The Period Outside…
We Sat In The Sun While The Rest Of The Class Was Indoors Doing MEAP Review… That Was Hott…
We Talked About The Same Socialogical Deformitys That Caused The Amazing Situations That Are Chronicled Below…
What Irony… I Love It.
————-
I Live For Times Like Fourth Hour Today… Truly Priceless - Avoiding School For Bigger Things…
What The Hell Does A Stupid Test Matter Compared To The Type Of Human Interation That Our Break Gave Us?
I Am So Happy That I Realized This:
Tests Don’t Hold A Candle To Actually Living Life.
Why Review When I Can Talk With A Great Person About What Really Matters?
This Apathy Should Concern Me, But It Doesn’t…
What Scares Me Is That I Recognize This Apathy, And I Like It.
I Am In Such A Weird Place, But I Like It…
I Know That Things Will Work Out - That Knowledge Gives Me Such Amazing Security…
It’s Gonna Be Alright!
Nathanael Berends April 26th, 2004
So We Are Cool Again?
yeah yeah
Okay - That Makes Me Happy
tats good
Yeah It Is
Nathanael Berends April 26th, 2004
Fuck Me…
TVD Teaches Us That There Are Only Two Permutations Of This Statement:
———
Fuck Me
&
Me Fuck
———
I Think That Sums It Up…
Forwards And Backward The Message Is The Same:
Fuck Me.
If “You” Read This, You Need To Know How Genuinely Sorry I Am…
I Mean That…
You May Not Believe Me… I Don’t Expect You To.
All I Can Ask Is That You See How Honestly I Am Begging For Your Forgiveness.
I Mean That… With Everything That I Am…
I Need You To Know That.
I Need You To Know That I Am Sorry…
Nathanael Berends April 26th, 2004
“are you glad? now that instead you have fucked up life?”
Damn… That’s A Close Second To The Previous Post…
Nathanael Berends April 26th, 2004
“know that i am fucking crying because i had a fucking fine life before i started talking to you”
Do Any Of You Know How Much That Hurts?
I Do.
I Certainly Wish I Didn’t.
All I Wanted Was A Friend… Fuck Me For Trying - Look What It Gets Me.
Nathanael Berends April 25th, 2004
I Just Posted An Amazingly Long Xanga… But It’s Very Very Serious, And Thus Is Protected. Some People Will Be Able To See It.
I’ve Put Those That It May Pertain To On The Protected List… You Need To Be Signed In To See It.