Every Thought Has a Reason.
Nathanael Berends August 4th, 2004
I wait - in watch - for your presence…
I realize…
I realize that - between the few breaths I can force through my lungs - I have thoughts.
As I drove - even as I type - I try to laugh. It should be funny right?
These thoughts don’t belong… their presence should humor me.
Pehaps I would find humor in their false foundations; or, perhaps I am wrong.
Every thought has a reason - no matter how absurd.
Still waiting for you…
The irony is that God knows I’m not able to actually say the words.
A black cursor teases me as I wait for a sign of your presence.
Still…
I wish there were more words to say. Perhaps there are; but I realize that I could never find a way to publish them here.
I feel horrible about this - realizing in full that you might not believe me.
Still, I Do.
It seems that my selfishness has the capacity to change the one thing I most love in this world.
Again - in what few breaths I can coerce - I attempt to laugh.
I can’t laugh at this.
…and that is disheartening; because for the first time in a long time, it isn’t ‘All Good’.
Perhaps that is only how it seems.
Regardless…