I CAN Find Comfort Here
Nathanael Berends March 31st, 2004
I Suppose That It Is About Time To Write Something Profound:
Lately, I’ve Been All About This “Project”… I Guess There Is Some Feeling Of Change Afoot…
Anyhow, Let’s Get Deep Shall We?
Todays Chapel… I Freaking Loved It.
Charis Larson… I Freaking Love Her…
Then Comes Her Message - I Was Amazed… It Was The Type Of Thing That Brings Trears To My Eyes…
Her Strength…
Her Courage…
Her Spirit…
Anyhow, I Was Really Taken Back By One Of The Lines - It Was A Line That I Had Initially Written Off, But As I Listened To The Recording Of Todays Chapel, It Struck Me Harder…
When She Initially Talked To One Of The “Angels” That First Found Her Dad, The Lady Asked If Her “Father Was Saved”…
Charis Smiled.
Not One Of Those Fake, Superficial Smiles - It Was The Smile Of The Heart; The Smile That Could Make Somebody Believe That No Matter What May Happen In The World, There Is Hope.
Then I Thought About It.
If I Were To Die Today, Tomorrow, Or In A Week…
If Somebody Asked Whether I Were “Saved”, Would My Family, Friends, Or Significant Others Smile?
What Scares Me Is That They Might Not.
I Have A Frightening Suspicion That I Wouldn’t Be Smiling…
Then I Got To Thinking About How I Can Change This?
Easy… I Just Need To Cultivate My Spiritual Life.
I Wish It Were Easy.
I Need To Make The Blind Leap… But I Can’t.
I Need To Give My Life To God…
Why Can’t I? What Is Stopping Me? I Know That I Should, But I Can’t… There Is Nothing There… No Emotion, No Movement, No Anything…
I Wish It Were Something.
It IS Something.
Remember…
I Talked To Erin - My Spiritual Guru - And We Decided That It Takes Time, And Human Nature To Make This Kind Of Leap…
It Takes Events, And People, And LIFE To Spur This Type Of Growth…
I Need To Be Totally Broken Down, And Humbled. This Needs To Happen For Me To Realize The Necessity Of God.
But I Don’t Want To Be Broken Down… I Don’t Want To Wait For Such Pain, And Dispair…
I Suppose It Is Inevitable…
“…Like Waiting For Lightning. A Time That It’s Time For A Change. It’s Like Listening For Thunder - As He Quietly Whispers Your Name…”
This Whole Issue Confuses Me.
As Charis Reminded Us Today
“He Never Said That It’d Be Easy - He Only Said I’d Never Be Alone…”
I CAN Find Comfort Here…
I Suppose All That’s Left Is Time.