A Means For More

1.)  I am broken completely, and that’s completely okay. Before I begin to speak of my life, I must confess that I am a nobody.  I have accomplished nothing in my life that hasn’t been done before.  I am a sinner, but I thank God that there’s hope.  I am prideful.  I am greedy.  I am forgiven.  Jesus Christ says so.  I am completely broken, and that’s completely okay.

2.)  I actually believe in what Jesus said. For some time now, I’ve been asking members in my Christian fellowship What if we actually believed what the Bible said? I was momentarily disappointed to read Shane Claiborne’s An Irresistible Revolution and realize that I wasn’t as original as I thought.  I was soon delighted that other people were asking the same question.  I believe in a God who performs miracles.  I believe in a Jesus whose heart was both completely broken by our world, and completely in love with it’s inhabitants.  I believe in the God who can ignite a bush in a flame that does not burn.  I believe in a Jesus who raises men from the dead.  I believe that Jesus was actually serious about that whole dropping-the-net-and-becoming-fishers-of-men thing.  I believe that we are called to take action.  I admire Jesus’ proclamation that it’s not the healthy who need the doctor–it’s the sick.  I appreciate that the fact that she was a Samaritan didn’t keep her from the love and forgiveness of Jesus.  I firmly believe that the world is broken.  I firmly believe that we need help.  I have recognized the efforts of our world in trying to fix itself, and have joined the chorus of those who recognize that when the world has let us down, we must turn to He who never will.  I believe that my life is not my own.  I believe that my life is a means for more than just my simple selfish gain.   I actually believe in what Jesus said.

3.)  In the past, I have had problems with ego. This is a big one.  I’ve been relatively successful my entire life.  I’ve been given opportunities, and some of them have at one point or another gone to my head.  It’s been a long battle, but God’s helping me win more and more with this humility thing.  No longer am I defined by my accomplishments.  No longer am I defined by what people think of me.  Alternatively, I am defined only as a son of God.  In the past, I have had problems with ego.

4.)  I am privileged. No, I don’t mean financially.  I just graduated college and am in debt up to my eyeballs.  Recently, though, I’ve discovered that money and privilege are not the same thing–despite what our culture may suggest.  Privilege lies in opportunities.  I have been offered opportunities.  I have always had a roof over my head.  I have always had food to eat.  I have not personally experienced the sorrow of hunger or poverty.  I have not suffered the despair of a lack of love.  I have never been oppressed.  I have never been marginalized.  I am privileged.

5.)  I am very careful about using the word Awesome. To be awesome, something must fill you with awe.  I believe that we have devalued that word.  Our God is an Awesome God.  Getting a new bike is not awesome.  For a long time, I diminished the significance of that word.  Today, I use the word very selectively–and the context in which I use it usually has something to do with God.  I am very careful about using the word awesome.

6.)  I am gifted. God has blessed me.  I am fluent in three musical instruments, and I can fake my way on several more.  I am not only able to speak in public–I enjoy it.  I am able to tell stories in video and film.  I can communicate.  I can empathize.  I am logical.  I am a servant. I have won a number of Associated Press and EMMY awards, and while there is something to be said for fame and fortune, I take Jesus seriously when he talks about the least in the kingdom. For that understanding, I am gifted.

7.)  I am patient. I am willing to wait.  I recognize that getting frustrated at stoplights is perhaps the most counter-productive activity in which one can engage.   I will listen until the story is finished.  I will wait on God to reveal His will to me–if He so chooses.  For all of these things, I thank God that I am patient.

8.)  I am open. No, I will not condemn you because you don’t believe in my God. (That’s not my place!)  No, I don’t think less of you because our beliefs and practices do not align.  No, Christianity has not made me closed-minded.  To believe in some of the stuff that the Bible claims takes a mind of the most open variety.  I will try to love you, whether you like it or not.  I am pretty serious about this loving your enemies thing–even if I’m not always very good about it.  I am open.

9.)  I appreciate time alone in nature. Jesus did it every once in a while.  Many other heros of the Bible did too.  There’s something awesome about standing amid God’s world (no, not our world) and recognizing what grand design we are able to be a part of.  From the rocks of the ground to the clouds of the air–I appreciate time alone in nature.

10.)  I am getting better with the idea of uncertainty. At one time I was certain of a great many things.  As I get older, I am certain of less and less.  I once wanted fame.  I once wanted fortune.  I once wanted a position of status in the media production communities in New York and Los Angeles.  All of that is gone now.  I am more uncertain than I was before–but more alive.  I am more uncertain than I was before–but more aware of God’s unending faithfulness and care.  I am more uncertain than I was before–but more okay with being so.  I am getting better with the idea of uncertainty.

11.)  God is calling me into a lifetime of full-time ministry–this used to terrify me. I first thought that a future of full-time ministry was out of the question because it didn’t fit into my eleven year plan.  Then I realized that it was my eleven year plan that didn’t fit into a future of full time ministry. I wasn’t sure how to reconcile my wants with what I have learned through tumultuous prayer and dialogue to be God’s wants.  Frustrated, I threw my wants out of the window and discovered that what I really wanted and what I’ve discovered God wants for me might be the same thing.  Praise be to God!  Now, it is with eagerness and excitement that I can proclaim that God is calling me into a lifetime of full-time ministry–this used to terrify me.

12.)  I am certain of my identity. I once defined myself by my accomplishments.  In my weaker moments, I still do.  I was once defined by my MasterCard and my mom’s sporty red VW Jetta that I would sometimes drive to highschool.  Today, I am defined by my personal Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Friends ask me why I am interested in going into ministry, and I can only respond that it’s a God thing.  I am interested in deepening my understanding of Christ.  I am interested in sharing such an understanding with anyone who will listen.  I have been given a voice.  My identity is found in my passion to share the good news and great joy that is found in Jesus Christ.  I am certain of my identity.

Thanks be to God.